i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
