My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
