Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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