I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
