Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
