I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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