Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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