Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Im part way to drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
