a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
