you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
