He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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