last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
