He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
