Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
