wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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