stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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