His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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