I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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