I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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