Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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