I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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