I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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