i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
