I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
