You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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