Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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