After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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