If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
