You can't motorboat a personality
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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