I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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