Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
