community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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