Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
