I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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