he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
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You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So. Much. Porn.
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