its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
