An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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