Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
