My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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