why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
