Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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