Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
