I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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