I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
