Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
