can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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