Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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