i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
