If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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