I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just pee around me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
