Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
