Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
