I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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