i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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