afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
