I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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