she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
