I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
