I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
