so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
