I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
