I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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