fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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