I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
