I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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