i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
