Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
