Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
