Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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